tik (dat is normaal)

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Het is iets geks. Ons hoofd. Net zoals een rug helemaal geblokkeerd kan zijn en lopen bijna onmogelijk lijkt, kan je hoofd – kunnen je hersenen – dat ook.

Ik heb OCS. Obsessief-compulsieve stoornis. Obsessive-compulsive disorder. Iets in mijn hoofd. Wikipedia omschrijft het als:

De obsessieve-compulsieve stoornis (OCS, ook: OCD), ook vaak obsessief-compulsieve stoornis of dwangstoornis genoemd, is een psychische aandoening die in het DSM-IV is gecategoriseerd als angststoornis.

De dokter omschrijft het als:

Een mentale toestand die een sterk gevoel van onzekerheid, twijfel, zich zorgen maken of angst veroorzaakt in het hoofd van de persoon. Deze gevoelens lokken dan rituelen uit zoals controleren of herhalen. 

Ik omschrijf het als:

Geen vrijheid kennen in je eigen doen uit angst voor jezelf.

Mensen met een obsessief-compulsieve stoornis moeten bepaalde rituelen uitvoeren, onder een bepaalde dwanggedachten. Dwanggedachten zijn gedachten die steeds terugkomen en gaan over de angst dat er iets slechts, gevaarlijks… zou kunnen gebeuren. Door de dwanghandelingen heeft een persoon met OCS het gevoel de gedachten te kunnen stoppen of een ramp te kunnen verhinderen. Het bekendste voorbeeld is smetvrees, waarbij mensen hun handen heel vaak moeten wassen uit angst voor bacteriën.

OCS is er in verschillende vormen en maten en die van mij is nog lang niet de ergste. Al zolang ik me kan herinneren leef ik met dezelfde angsten die steeds hetzelfde van me eisen. Angst voor de zee, angst dat er iets met mij gebeurt, angst dat er iets met mijn familie gebeurt, angst dat er iets met mijn vrienden gebeurt, angst voor rampen, angst voor overgeven, angst voor geesten, angst voor moordenaars, sociale angst, angst voor de dood. Een korte samenvatting van de dingen die me scherp houden.

Concreet zien die angsten er zo uit:

Ochtendritueel: uit bed stappen – opnieuw (verkeerde voet) – nog eens (toch de andere). nog eens (want drie keer is een mooi getal) – naar de badkamer – trui aan – opnieuw (enkel de mouwen) – opnieuw (andere volgorde van de mouwen) – helemaal aan – helemaal opnieuw uit – terug helemaal aan – broek aan – tik de bank – terug uit – opnieuw aan (broekspijp per broekspijp – opnieuw – en nog eens – tandpasta nemen – terugzetten – nog eens – tik het bad – nog eens – tandpasta op mijn tandenborstel – nog eens tikken – tanden poetsen – stoppen – opnieuw beginnen – wasbak aanraken – opnieuw, hoekje per hoekje – nog eens stoppen met tanden poetsen – of, nee, toch nog 11 seconden – 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 – 12 13 14 – oké, genoeg – wasbak nog eens tikken – ja, overal – kraan open en dicht draaien – nog eens – vijf keer – en dan toch nog eens – kast open en dicht –  nog eens – mascara opendoen – terug dicht – open – mascara aanbrengen – dicht – open – handen nat maken – afdrogen – terug natmaken – terug afdrogen – stopcontact aanraken – opnieuw – nee, echt met je vingers! – nog eens – deur dicht – open – dicht – open – dicht….

En dan is het nog maar 7u04 ‘s morgens. Gemiddeld doe ik twee keer zo lang over de normaalste dingen. Ik doe meer tikken dan praten, meer herhaling dan nieuwe ideeën, meer sleur dan frisse moed. OCS is een angststoornis die mensen kan opvreten, kapotmaken. Na zes jaar therapie sta ik nog steeds recht onder het gewicht van mijn gedachten en ken ik de kneepjes van het vak, de groeven in de hersenen. Stoppen is makkelijker gezegd dan gedaan. ‘STOP’ zeggen, maakt het erger. Vergeten lukt niet. Ik weiger medicatie. Het is een traag proces dat vraagt om dapperheid en toewijding. Constant klaar zijn om terug te slaan en jezelf te redden. Maar: OCS is er in verschillende vormen en maten, die van mij is lang niet de ergste.

1 op 50 (jonge) mensen hebben een vorm van OCS, slechts enkelen doen er iets aan. Het is een onbekende en vermeden stoornis waar we liever niet over praten, “want iedereen is weleens bang en iedereen raakt wel een keer iets aan”. Een standaard antwoord wanneer ik het eens over OCS heb. Het is meer dan pennen juist leggen en handen wassen. Het is noodzakelijk dat we stoppen met ontwijkend gedrag en mentale gezondheid bespreekbaar maken. Ik ben het beu, wij zijn het beu.

Wij zijn niet gek, wij functioneren, wij zijn hetzelfde (maar net iets anders).

Een duidelijke samenvatting

Voor meer informatie in verband met OCS: Wat is OCS?

Last but not least? Everything that’s going on in my head right now.

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It has been so extremely long and I have a few reasons why I haven’t posted and will not be posting in the near future. Before I start this off: Oh mijn god, this feels so good, I missed you guys!

You deserve a lot of explanation. The first thing that I want you to know is that Somethinge won’t be continuing anymore. I don’t know whether this will be my last post or not, I just know that I won’t be posting any more posts until a new platform is launched. Yeah, you heard that right! A new platform.

I’ve found the courage and inspiration to start over. You may laugh now, because I’ve told you several times that Somethinge was my 7th or even 8th blog. Starting over is my style, you could say. Yes, that’s true, starting over without thinking is my style, but this time, it will be different.

I won’t be alone in this little adventure. Until now, I’ve found one and a half person who wants to jump in this pool of joy with me. You’ll found out soon who they are.

The new platform will be better than this blog. It will be more like an online magazine than a personal diary. Apart from that we will also discuss some other topics like feminism, interior, the earth, … There will be at least one article a day, that you could have found in a fancy magazine.

There’s nothing concrete right now, but the ideas are everywhere. I will show you some little snippets if this adventure goes on, and if the platform will be launched one day, you will be the first to know!

With that being said, I just want to catch up with you quickly. I’ve definitely changed over these few months, so I feel like I want to share these little candids with you.

Inception: 

 

Have you ever seen this movie? Leonardo and the crew are so good in this movie! Definitely worth watching! It’s my favorite.

Kunstbende:

I won the Kunstbende! Or at least the semi-finale! I will be competing against the best 7/8/9 writers of Flanders, that’s insane! But for now, I’m happy with my title: “The best writer, between the age of 13 and 19, of  Vlaams-Brabant.” THAT’S MENTAL! In case you doubt my writingskills, leave a comment asking for the story I wrote to enter the contest. I would love to hear your feedback! (Pictures on my instagram!)

Eefje De Visser:

 

She’s my new obsession. Eefje is a dutch singer and she’s amazing. If you like flying and electronic jingles combined with beautiful lyrics, she’s the one you’re looking for.

Herman Koch:

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Herman Koch is one of my favorite writers and I discovered one of my favorite books last week. If you like a mix of writing styles, you should read the book “Dear Mister M.”. It’s very good, and my favorite.

Peru:

I’m currently searching an organization to do some volunteering in Peru. I’ve been obsessed with Peru for a few years now, so if you know where to search, let me know! If i ever go there, I will post every single thing I can!

 

Well, that’s it. I hope you have a great day and I would love to see you very very soon!

Lots of love to the whole wide world!

Kaat

 

 

Right now

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Schermafbeelding 2015-11-10 om 21.06.30I did one of these before and I felt like doing it again, so here it is, right now.

Feeling: A little bit stressed because I should actually be studying for my exams.

Wearing: A pair of joggings and a T-shirt from the company were I give summer camps for children.

Wanting: Right now? The ability to play any song on the piano.

Needing: Someone who can deal with coding and stuff to fix me a nice layout.

Eating: nothing, I just went to a restaurant with a group of friends and it was very cosy.

Thinking: I have been thinking a lot lately about my blog and what I want to do with it, but I’m not quite sure jet.

Loving: The movie: Where the wild things are. Just watch it and you’ll understand everything. And this picture of myself and a little goat in Slovakia.

September Playlist

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Some Disney. Some Alt-J. Some classics and a party.

  • Good For You – Selena Gomez: Guilty pleasure nr. 1
  • Shake it out – Florence + The machine: LOVE HER.
  • Something Good – Alt-J: Yeah, I’m annoying, I know.
  • Drive – Oh Wonder: Mmmmhhhh, so good.
  • Make her say – Kid Cudi: Makes me wanna dance, every time.
  • I’ll make a man out of you – Mulan: Awesome movie + song.
  • Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen: Party Hardy.
  • Tequila – The Champs: Guilty pleasure nr. 2
  • Got it – Marian Hill: YES. YES.
  • Whisky – Marian Hill: YES. YES. YES.
  • Bunker – Balthazar: Satisfying x 5

Online tip: Hello Giggles

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Have you met Hello Giggles yet? Or I mean have you seen it yet? It is Zoeey Deschanel’s blog – with a whole team behind it – and it is amazing.

Hello Giggles calls itself a positive community for women. And I can only agree with that. This online platform focuses on the daily stuff. Tips, stories, links and other stuff. If they post a story, you will also know what happens with that person after one day of being famous. They take their time to find out who people are before they write about it. They post the latest Disney gossips, the little details of a celebs life, and so much more. It is hard to put them in one category, because they write about so many different things.

I’ve been following this blog via Facebook. My homepage on Facebook looks so much more happy and positive with their posts between the others.

My favorite posts: (currently, because they post so much!)

40 important questions you should totally ask your BFF

A love letter to badass women with platinum blonde hair

TV shows that totally understand what love means

WATCH A PEARL (ACCORDING TO ME)

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Television is a wand. Movies are the magic. Pretty cheesy but at least, that’s how I feel about them. Movies are so interesting. It takes you to another place, while you’re still sitting in your own couch. I definitely prefer books above their remakes, but still, movies are a fantastic invention.

I feel like I don’t know a lot about them. I’ve watched almost every chickflick and Disney-classic of the universe, but name a comedian or a science-fiction, I won’t know what you’re talking about. There is a huge list of movies I still want to see on my desk, but for now, this is my top 10, described in one sentence.

Little Miss Sunshine

A classic comedian, but with the cutest story. The boy was my very first movie crush, ever.

Barefoot

This movie shows that people with a psychical disorder, can be loved as much as everyone else. Beautiful.

Inside Out

My life, in a movie.

Big Hero 6

One of the better recent Disney movies, you have to watch this.

Anastasia

The extremely underrated Disneyprincess that I adore since I watched the movie for the first time.

Harry Potter

I started watching this a month ago, I’m obsessed.

Edward Scissorhands

The most endearing movie I’ve ever seen, Tim Burton is a hero.

Clueless

My favorite romcom ever.

One Day

A stunning movie, with an heart rending ending.

Amélie

A classic, but oh, so beautiful.

Catch Me If You Can

What can I say? Well done, Leonardo.

We were liars

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A book about an astronaut who gets lost in space.

A story about a girl with 50 lives.

A story about the trees and their leaves.

The history of a king with 3 beautiful daughters.

A story about the sea and his limits.

We were Liars by Emily Lockhart. The most shocking book I’ve ever read. With shocking I mean the one that has surprised me the most with the story.

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I chose this book because I saw a lot of people being very enthusiastic about it. I decided to buy it after I saw it was in sale. After buying the book, I read a lot of the reviews again. They kept talking about the shocking anticlimax at the end. I was so curious, that I started reading it.

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Emily Lockhart has a very good sense of writing. If that even exists. She writes very smooth and suspense. Suspense by using short sentences with double meanings. She uses a lot of metaphors in this book, which made it a little difficult for me to read at the start, but after a while you get used to it. She made some things very clear but by repeating it she made me very insecure about me understanding the book. Which is funny, because I didn’t know that a book was able to do that.

The story is brilliant. It’s about a family, the Siclairs, who goes to a private island every summer. They are very rich. But their are these 4 friends, they call themselves the liars, who are always together. A certain summer, something happens on the island with Cadence (the storyteller) and she can’t find out what happened. She lost her memories at that certain moment. So, she tries to find out what happened to her.

The end is something I never expected. And I recommend this book especially because of the anticlimax. It’s an easy-read, so I think you can handle the book even if you don’t like reading, or if you don’t read a lot.

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WE WERE LIARS – E. LOCKHART (+/- 200 pages): 

We are Sinclairs.

Beautiful. Privileged. Damaged. Liars.

We live, at least in the summertime, on a private island of the coast of Massachusetts. 

Perhaps that’s all you need to know.

Read it.

And if anyone asks you about it:

Just LIE.

Link Faves #2

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STUDYBLR:

Studyblr is basically heaven for students. On this Tumblr you can find the most amazing notes people made while they were in class. These pictures motivate me so much. And I’m a little bit ashamed for saying this, but I kind of want to go back to school now.

AA: Aa is my favorite app. It’s a game where you have to tap on the screen, and when you touch the screen, a little dot will be stitched to a larger dot. It’s very hard to explain, but ridiculously easy when you play it. I mean, it’s easy until you reach level 49 or something. But until then it will be pretty easy but so much fun!

KLOSSY: Karlie Kloss started her own youtube channel. Whaaaaaaatttt??? She takes us with her to the Paris Fashion Week, to her Glamour overshoot and so much more. Her videos are very inspiring and meanwhile so much fun to watch!

A PAIR AND A SPARE: This blog has the classiest DIY’s you’ve ever seen. Geneva turns everything into something stylish. I’m in love with her style and every little detail of her travel guides. Definitely worth visiting.

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#30DAYSTOSPLITS: Cassey Ho created a 30 day challenge to be able to do the splits. I’ve been wanting to do splits since I saw Angelina Ballerina on TV. But I’ve never been able to do it. So, thanks to Cassey I will be able to do this at the end of september!

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DREAMTERVIEW

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DREAMTERVIEW, yeah, I just invented that word. Dream + interview. Persons you would like to interview. Here’s a list of mine:

1. POLIENNE:

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You know I’m a huge fan of her work, so do I really need to explain this?

Question I would ask her: Do you ever want to quit blogging and do something else or do you see blogging as something that can go on for years and years?

2. Nelson Mandela:

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I know he died, but if I would have had a chance to interview him I would have definitely done that.

Question I would ask him: What is your favorite thing in the world? (out of EVERYTHING)

3. Cory monteith:

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Cory died in the period I started watching Glee. I was obsessed with him and Lea Michele. So when he died, I cried. And I was devastated from his death. Yeah, I was a diehard fangirl. Although I’m over my Glee stage, Lea and Cory will always interest me and mean something to me.

Question I would ask him: Why did you kept on drinking and taking drugs? Where you seriously planning a proposal to your girlfriend?

4. David Uzochukwu:

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I hope I spelled that right. He’s my all time favorite photographer. His photographs are special/beautiful and amazingly original according to me.

Question I would ask him: How did you start with photography and do you have any tips for beginners to stand out?